Saturday, 25 February 2012

How I feel right now, also tacos


Two nights ago, I promised myself that tonight I would sit down and write something/anything. I honestly had nothing planned for this post but I knew deep down that the only way that I could write is if I forced myself to. Normally, this would be fine and I would be happily obliging with the of writing this post about whatever beautiful artistically emotionally traumatically significant experience I can best express in words… but there’s a slight problem:

I. Have. A. Headache.

I can sense that you’re calling me a little bitch as we speak so I’m going to give you a few facts about this headache.

FACT: This headache is one of those 'have it, go to sleep with it, wake up with it, and have it all the next day' headaches. Picture this: I’m a ten year old girl and this headache is following me in a white van, stalking me through every corner and every facet of my life as I try to run away from it’s gang-rape-of-the-brain.

FACT: In the stew of depression, regret and agony that is my mind right now, I actually thought it was a good idea to not only let my friends and I assault hit my head, but to bang it against a wall repeatedly to try and block out the headache. The consequences of my idea was 5 seconds of bliss, where the minor concussion made me forget where I was, and 23 minutes of me whimpering under my pillow as the pain returned 10fold shortly after.

FACT: In the last three hours I’ve taken four tablets of pain medicine and it has merely reduced my migraine into a low throb that I feel in my temple, as if someone inside was escaping the side of my head by breaking through my scalp with a baseball bat. But wait, there’s more!! This feeling has combined with the drowsiness effect the drugs so kindly blessed me with and placed me in the convenient position of being on the verge of sleep yet being unable to actually fall asleep because of the splitting pain. At this point of the pain cycle I would literally stab a penguin in the throat if it looked at me funny.

FACT: Three facts ago I described my headache as on par with gang rape of a ten-year-old girl... I don’t know why I bothered going on.

I could have very easily not written anything tonight, I could have taken the two extra pills to knock me out into a torturous overnight hibernation, but something wouldn’t sit right with me had I broken my own promise. I mean - you guys (does anyone even read this?) wouldn’t know that I promised myself to write tonight, but I would have known and wouldn’t have ever let myself forget. It is likely that I would - as a 40 year old man - be looking back into my past with regret from that time on the 25th of February in 2012 where I said I would make a blog post but didn’t. Of course, by then I will have 9 cats and a complete and total loathing of life to get me through this horrible time. :D

Empty promises suck, as all empty things do. Empty fridges suck, because they are void of food. Empty glasses of water suck, because not even an optimist can see them in a positive light. Empty jars of vegemite suck, because they remind you of what vegemite tastes like.

Ever had an empty taco? Imagine, as you bite into a hard shell of solitary, lonely tortilla, your mouth being cut open by fragments of corn chip that slice your gums and tongue with brute un-cushioned force. Your salivary glands moan and beg for a hint of salsa… of meat… of guacamole… of anything... ANYTHING to stop the taste of marginally salted incompleteness from sliding down your oesophagus. It is quite simply a mastication massacre and you would literally kill for that one grated strand of cheese or that one drop of sauce. But, alas, the taco is empty because you broke that promise; you didn’t blog that humid late-February evening and it never stopped haunting you.

Effectively, by sitting here and typing this out right now, I’m having my tortilla AND eating it too… all toppings included.

And it tastes fucking great.

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