1)
I’m insecure in the way that
makes me want to gnaw at the heels of death because of stupid things [let me
tell you a story; my friend and I were conversing and he asked me to look at my
nails (I obliged) and when I did apparently I looked at my nails the “girl
way”. It seems that men place their hands with palms facing upwards and curl
back their nails while women (and myself) place their hands with palms facing
down and fingers outstretched] Nevertheless I spent the rest of my day sulking
about my lack of masculinity and waiting for my vagina to grow.
2)
My bed broke approximately 10
days [236 hours [14160 minutes [849600 seconds]]] ago and I have yet to fix it,
meaning that I have slept on a peculiar downwards-and-to-the-side slope, the
alignment of which has forced me to sleep with my head on the other side of the
bed. Because I really have no time for such meager tasks, it took me
approximately 6 days [almost a week] to move my pillows to the new side of the
bed. And it’s true, my bed is still tilted and I have unashamedly no future
plans to solve this conundrum regarding the gradient of the mattress on which I
sleep. Thus is the moral of this little ditty. I don’t do anything. I am lazy.
3)
Everybody hates me [fact]! And
yes I do have proof for this because I downloaded an application that lets me
see how people respond to my friend requests on facebook and somebody from my
primary school that I knew 5 years ago ignored my request (carry the one)
leaving me with the conclusion that I am unfathomably, universally, despised.
And no I’m not joking, this realisation prompted a wave of depression that
ended with me trying to fix my problems via empty calories in the form of a
milk and sprinkles concoction I like to call puregenius.
4)
Sometimes I like to think I’m
an artist, like for example right now I’m drinking puregenius (cheers wave of
depression) and the milk went pink and the sprinkles lost all their colours and
I’m honestly more fascinated about this scientific breakthrough than anything
else right now- this nobel-prize worthy porcelain cup full of skim milk and now
opaque balls of sugar represents the extent of my artistic integrity and
somehow I have no problem with this.
5)
I value sleep more than I value
my artistic integrity (other things I value sleep more than: the nutritional
value of breakfast! human life!! the suspicious mole on my foot that
mayormaynotbe cancer!!!) {I really should stop with these bracketed side-notes}
and therefore I have come to the conclusion that I shall end this deep
psychoanalysis of the very depths of my inner self, two formulated facts short
of the seven I promised. But it wouldn’t be fair to sell you short.
6)
I don’t do anything. I am lazy.
7)
My cat’s name is Cirmi, a
Hungarian name meaning ‘I wish it dropped dead so I can buy a new kitten that
actually loves me’.
No comments:
Post a Comment